I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can I color on your dick again?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
