He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
