Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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