No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
