Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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