Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is Oprah even human
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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