The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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