O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
