I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
