omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
