Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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