For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
