i just google imaged poop.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
