Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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