2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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