Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
