I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
