Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
