There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize