At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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