she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
