I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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