I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My cat gives me a boner
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
