I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
