defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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