At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
