hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
