The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
