party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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