1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
