ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
