in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
