Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
