the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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