Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
