Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize