Don't you send me to vm
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
