Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
