In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
