Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
where am i from again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
