dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
