I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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