i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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