Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
