I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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