I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
