So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
