My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize