My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize