Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
