I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
jump out the window naked night went bad
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