did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Someone shit on the floor
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
