I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
