Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's the barista slut.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
