I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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