you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
