I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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