She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
