you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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