im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
