That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
