The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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