Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
