never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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