Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
