i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
home. puking in laundry basket.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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